Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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