WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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