i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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