Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
