dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
