Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
