Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
