can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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