i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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