Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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