but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
