The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
