Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
