By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
