hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
