On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
