i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
