The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
