my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
