Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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