Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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