she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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