Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
