I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
