Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
