You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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