Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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