I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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