i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
