so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
