You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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