Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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