it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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