my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
