i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
