I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he puts the penis in happiness.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need water and some morals
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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