you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
