she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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