He passed out mid-signature
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
