She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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