DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
