you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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