I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
