I hate all girls vehemently.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
