I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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