My liver just broke up with me...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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