Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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