we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
