Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
