ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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