Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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