yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
