Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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