We're facebook friends in real life
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
