your thong is hanging out like whoa
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
