You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
being pregnant is like rehab
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
