Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
